Illustration of Detecting, Questioning, Extending of Metaphor: Mediation Example

	Detect Operating Metaphor in Clients’ Language	Ask Questions to Help Model Clients’ Operating Metaphor and Improve Communication	Extend Metaphor to Increase Options
Mom	“I’m taking care of things at home…pressure on me about money, being a single parent…”	Are you pretty confined inside the home, can’t look at where you will be tomorrow because of today?	If, for a moment, you look past today, can you see down the road…handling these decisions, etc? “Yes.”
Dad	“Let’s get on with the divorce, splitting up stuff, deciding on schedule…”	So you’re looking down the road and ready to take on decisions so you can move on?	In your mind you’re on the road. Look back to where one starts from and what preparations needed. He nods.

In this next example a couple comes to a mediation session uncertain of the next steps. They have a mountain of uncertainties. Even though both are convinced divorce is their only course of action, they are still living under the same roof and neither has begun to look for an apartment. They haven’t told their two young children that they will be divorcing and don’t know how to explain or answer questions. They have limited money and haven’t figured out how to allocate it. Divided though they are on personal matters and emotional safety, they are very united about what’s best for their children and they trust each other fully as parents.

Here one of the clients takes the metaphor we are using and extends it naturally and usefully.

	Detect Operating Metaphor in Clients’ Language	Ask Questions to Help Model Clients’ Operating Metaphor and Improve Communication	Extend Metaphor to Increase Options
Initially	“We’re getting nowhere and don’t know what to do about it. We could still be in the same spot 6 months from now.”	Besides just getting divorced, and besides taking good care of your kids, do you know just where you want to go? Is something stopping you? Are you stopping each other? Are you stopping yourself?	What are the intermediate steps on the way to getting there?
Later	Now that some steps have been taken it seems we’re racing ahead and I’m nervous.	You’ve gotten over the crest of the hill and gravity is taking you down the other side. Will you be able to stay on the road?	(Client says:) “Oh, yes, but the curves are scary and the ride will be jarring.”