"...to enrich your life." (p.7)

But NVC is about the flow of communications to and from the heart, and this is metaphorically understood. That is, the experience of NVC or thinking about NVC is imaginative. It goes beyond a person's literal or concrete experience and to some extent involves one's imagination. The imaginitive aspect is how NVC is metaphorically understood.

Said in another way, NVC is an abstraction. It is thought about in terms of (1) other abstractions and (2) concrete concepts learned from our bodily experience moving in our terrestrial environment, handling and manipulating objects in space, orienting ourselves, working against gravity, etc. These concrete concepts have an elaborate metaphoric structure that we employ to imagine how things work -- the what, how and why of abstractions such as "NVC."

Although Rosenburg doesn't use such language, his compassionate exchange might be metaphorically understood as a dance where the dancers know the steps and leading is done by each person in turn.

"NVC is a 'process'." (p.7)

The four components are distinguished from each other; within each component distinctions are made as to what may seem to be, but are not the intended type (e.g., observations vs. classifications, feelings vs. evaluations).

Although I don't find use of words such as classification or category when referring to preferred communications in NVC, distinguishing between communications that "block compassion" or that are "life-alienating" vs. those that don't implies containers with boundries; furthermore these containers seem to be located relative to one another such that you may almost fall into using one instead of the other. A map of this terrain is not provided, nor is the map metaphor ever alluded to. There are references to what we learn in our culture that predispose us to use certain classes of communications when others might be better.

"NVC as a... 'language'." (p.7) [uttered parts that stand for wholes; choosing the right word(s) to stand for (distinct) conscious experiences]

"If we express our needs we have a better chance of getting them met." (p.55) [seems to invoke a chain -- if it appears it may be attended to, if attended to then responded to, etc.]

Responsibility

Needs are identified by a guessing/searching process, using lists of words, until a match seems to have been found as judged by the person's verbal and nonverbal responses (positive response is taken to indicate gratification that you have recognized the need and fulfilled a need for empathy).

Feelings are Parts of a Structure.
Feelings are connected to (unmet) needs.
Needs at the core; needs as roots.
Needs are more hidden from view; their presence and current status is known from the exterior form of feelings (or, presumably, by the person looking more inside).

Meeting needs, fulfilling needs (unmet needs, unfulfilled needs) are mentioned often but I haven't found description of whether they are reached, filled up, arrived at, equalled, or what; is there a conventional metaphor operating here?

Note two stages: (1) Asking the other person (understood metaphorically as moving the other person to a place where s/he then is able) (2) to give you voluntarily what you need (understood metaphorically as freely moving what you need to you or to fulfill you).

The Event Structure metaphor operates as the basis for both parts; in the first as the location version and the second as the object version (its dual). The location version of the Event Structure metaphor consists of the following mappings (some of which have already been identified above):
States are Locations (interiors of bounded regions in space)
Changes are Movements (into or out of bounded regions)
Causes are Forces
Causation is Forced Movement (from one location to another)
Actions are Self-propelled Movements.
Purposes are Destinations
Means are Paths (to destinations)
Difficulties are Impediments to Motion
Freedom of Action is the Lack of Impediments to Motion
External Events are Large, Moving Objects (that exert force)
Long-term, Purposeful Activities are Journeys
Agents and Affected Parties are also assumed.
Regarding "requests" in NVC we can
(1) Take the person who is requesting as the Agent attempting to Change the Location of the Affected Party (person being requested). The request is a Force, moving along a certain Path towards a Destination location. That Destination is a space from within which the Affected Party has Freedom of Action to move in a certain way, namely to fulfill the Agent's needs.
(2) The second part is understood also in terms of Event Structure metaphor, but this time the "object" version. Where the affected entity is moved relative to a location and in the "location" version, in the "object" version changes are Movements of Possessions (acquisitions or losses), causation is transfer of possessions, purposes are desired objects. So in this second part, where the other person being requested has been moved into the desired space, s/he now is metaphorically understood to exert some kind of effort or force to move or bring or give the requester what will fulfill his or her needs. Note that this metaphor conceptualizes that which is moved, given, etc. as some kind of entity or objects; the requested person is now the one engaged in some kind of self-propelled motion to move these objects into the possession of the requester (or, to withhold them or move them further away).

This metaphor structure has been widely studied and found to be extrememly robust in situations of this kind. While it may seem cumbersome to describe, it operates instantly, unconsciously and very reliably.

What we learn by parsing the elements in this way is that, initially at least, those learning the "requesting" component of NVC will most likely understand it as any simple request and fulfillment sequence, just like asking someone to pass you that small, blue pitcher over there: If you don't say it nicely the request may be ignored; if you don't make it clear you can ask for confirmation; you may need to imagine the other person's point of view; if the other person isn't in the right place to see it, you may need to get him to move a bit; if there is something in the way you won't get it, if the person can't see clearly you may have to offer guidance ("a little to the left, that's right, now just beyond") and watch to see, etc. Such requirements for making requests work are instantly understood metaphorically and track almost completely Rosenburg's guidance for making requests (see entailments).

The expression of subtle, feelings-related concepts, once the conventional metaphor system is made conscious, is found to be thought about largely as material objects being located, handled, moved, etc.

All of the implications mentioned here plus a great many more are instantly available to structure expectations and inferences when discussing, learning and practicing NVC. Some of the metaphoric inferences may turn out to be inappropriate, but they will be supported by "common sense" and will require careful correction. Others -- perhaps most others -- will be effective and will continue to guide the thinking of the NVC practitioner even after much training and practice.

The Event Structure metaphor mappings suggest that the person requested may move or give "possessions" to the requester, which are objects in a metaphorical sense. This, in turn, implies that needs are containers into which these need-fulfilling objects are placed.

We "make" requests.
Conscious requests and consciosly directed movements.`

"...shine the light of consciousness on places..." (p.4)

"...focus the light of consciousness on
four areas..."

Understanding is Seeing

... brings us to a place where we hear...

Thoughts Are Objects (have the qualities of objects, can be moved around, sorted, etc.).
Things People Say are Objects In Motion (given, taken, thrown, etc.).
Conventional entailments of Objects:
Objects take up space, bump into each other, hit or touch people, cause sensations, they don't move on their own, people or forces have to move them, etc.
Feelings Are Sensations (hot, cold, vivid, soothing, painful, weight/pressure, release/freedom to move, etc.)
Needs Are Containers.
Conventional entailments of Containers:
Containers Are Bounded Regions in Space (locations with boundries).
Space is a Map With Points Located Relative to Each Other.
Specific Needs Are Containers With Distinct Boundaries Located Relative to Other Containers.
A Person is a Container Containing Containers.
Fulfilled Needs Are Containers Filled With Objects that fit.
Understanding is Seeing.
Special Cases:
Understanding NVC is Seeing Which Objects Fit Into Which Containers.
Sympathy is Seeing a Person's Empty Containers.
Empathy is Seeing a Person's Empty Containers and having those same empty containers oneself.
Compassion is Seeing the containers in another person that are not full, and knowing what objects will fit.
Judgments are Objects that don't fit the containers.
Descriptions are Replicas of Objects Seen.
Appreciations are Replicas of Objects That Fit nicely in one or more of my containers.
Special Case:
X's Need for Appreciation is Container to be filled with Replicas of Objects Given You By X.
Unmet Needs Are Empty or near-Empty Containers.
Salient special Cases:
Empty Stomach is Painful or Uncomfortable Sensation.
Full Stomach is Sensation that feels good (stress released, enables freedom of movement).

From Chapter 12 of "Nonviolent Communication" ( M. B. Rosenberg):
Receiving Appreciation is Seeing Objects Fit in certain containers, no more, no less.
NAC Instructions Based on Above:
Fill Containers with the Objects that fit.
If wrong objects in containers, take them out, or re-shape them.
Shape objects to fit containers.
Fill All the Containers on the Map.
Don't take Objects out of other people's containers.
Don't bump objects.
If someone gives you an object that doesn't fit for you, reshape it and pass it back.
Proceed from container to container depending on proximity.
Or, attend to the containers first that are the most painful.
Final destination is not clearly marked on the map.

Don't use "vague impersonal forces," "conditions, diagnoses," "actions of others," "policies," "impulses" etc. (p.19-20) to describe agency or causes.

Marshall Rosenberg's compassionate communications or non-violent communications (NVC) is favored by many mediators for its simple, heartfelt and effective facilitation of the mediation process. It is based on the notion that people have compassionate hearts and enjoy giving and receiving empathy.

The appeal comes in part from the focus on otherwise hidden feelings, dealing with these directly, acknowledgment of needs and having them met. The techniques can be applied with very little training, but can be deepened by learning enhanced ways to interact and receive more detailed information from clients, helping them to express themselves more and more fully.

My very preliminary understanding of NVC is that it helps people compassionately connect with one another's feelings and needs. It gives a vocabulary and structure for talking in the gentlest way to help express feelings, unmet needs and requests for help in meeting those needs. NVC's structure consists of feelings and needs including lists of descriptors that formalize the model to some degree.

Whereas many mediators focus on the issues at hand, what will and what won't work in terms of outcomes in the real world, NVC shifts the focus inward to what the disputants feel and need. Probably the majority of practicing mediators aren't comfortable focusing on what's going on inside. They avoid delving into feelings and recast needs as "interests", which takes them outside, making them more conscious and rational and less emotional or subconscious.

The simple steps taught to beginners of NVC are first to observe through the senses, then recognize feelings going on right now, then identify the needs in the present that are behind the feelings, and finally to help the client form requests for change that might meet those needs (Observe - Feelings - Needs - Requests: OFNR).

In going from observations to feelings it is important to come up with expressions that are non-judgmental. So often people will identify the action of someone else or outside events as "making" them feel a certain way. Instead, in NVC they are encouraged simply to recognize the feeling as happening inside themselves, and then going on to express the underlying need they have that was not being met. By freeing one of judgment, evaluation, decisions about action, etc., this invites attention to unconscious experience and a clearer understanding of needs.

With regard to Reference Point, NVC empahsizes the individual client's point of view, encourages subjective interpretations, and discourages speculation about the other's point of view. Clients are encouraged to think about Elements, not what agent moved what affected entity, but particularly about oneself as agent who can move -- request -- others for changes. The changes are to bring things to or from oneself to meet one's needs. Clients are coached not to take an everyday view of causation, but rather one that transforms the affected entity into an agent. It takes emphasis off How the World Works (except perhaps when forming requests) and focuses mostly on How You Work It. It strives to tap into subjective preconscious processes in understanding how you might work the world.

Here is an excellent example of metaphors mediators can and do use. I think it would be helpful to view NVC as a set of metaphors that mediators can use in guiding their own facilitation in mediation. According to the NVC model a mediator will listen for clients' observations of things that actually happened, hints as to what feelings this triggers and what needs underly these feelings. Here are some of the metaphors evident in NVC:
Connection is the destination the mediator moves towards at all times.
What guides this movement is keeping feelings and needs in view.
Matching your words with the clients', resonating or fitting your words with the client's words or thoughts, produces a substance called empathy.
Empathy is required for connection to occur. It may leak away causing connection to be broken. Connection can be re-made by replenishment of empahty periodically.
Observations, feelings and needs are arranged in layers, with observations outermost, feelings beneath them, and needs at the core. Needs are universal and everyone must have them met at least to some degree, and the more the better (may correspond to Principals and Direction in metaphor layers).
Feelings are beneath observations, are not visible, and must be infered or guessed at from observations (may correspond to Strategies in metaphor layers). Needs are beneath feelings, also cannot be seen and must be infered or guessed at from feelings and observations (may correspond to Performance in metaphor layers). It resembles geology in that it is stratified and largely static. Needs are pay dirt.
Guessing is done by putting a word for feelings (or needs) out there and seeing if the client is attracted. How a client is attracted is metaphorically understood as a valence between bodies or a fitting together of pieces (the word and something inside the client).
Observations are limited in scope to include only what is visible or verifiable sensory experience, and omit outside agents. Events are best described in terms of actions and affected entities or parties, but not the agent, unless the agent is the affected party him or herself. This limitation of scope assists in finding the underlying feelings and needs (whereas including what cannot be seen or including outside agents will lead us astray from locating the valuable subterrainian layers).

The NVC mediator will also explore clients' metaphors of feelings and of needs. This is done by guessing and suggestion (e.g., "It sounds like you may feel scared"). Entailments may be explored once matching to the client is accomplished, but it is informal. What has not been explored is the unity of metaphors formed by combining the observations, feelings, and needs (e.g., "So your cat died, you feel sad and grieving, because you have a need for companionship" could be explored as the wheel of life, divine will or a causal metaphor.

Example:
An employee comes to a mediator for consultation on how to deal with a dispute at work. She is in conflict with her boss, who has just assigned her to different work hours, with the requirement also to attend a monthly meeting four hours after the end of her normal work day. The employee accepts the new work hours, but is angry that she must return to work at 5:00 p.m. for the monthly meeting when she will be off at 1:00 p.m. that day. Her boss seems unwilling or unable to discuss any accomodation. The mediator asks the employee if she feels hurt by this, and she answers yes. With more discussion, the employee identifies the need for more autonomy to integrate her duties and personal requirements with work requirements, and also a need for more human connection with her boss. She begins to explore what requests she might make to her boss, and also how she might query her boss regarding her own feelings and personal needs in this situation so as, perhaps, to create some mutual empathy.

Metaphors that might be helpful regarding feelings: Is the employee feeling like a cog (or replacable part) in a machine, a pawn on the chess board whose moves are limited and may be sacrificed for not-so-obvious reasons, a member of the marching band, or a dirt soldier obeying orders? ["feeling" here doesn't focus on the bodily experience so much and instead displaces the emotion initially; anyway, perhaps the strongest feeling comes at being unable to fulfill needs]

Metaphors that might be helpful regarding needs: What needs are there? To be using one's skills and training and insight, to be valued more, to be tuned in to the overall operations, to feel human connection. Would the employee prefer work to be more like a personal quest, an exploration of unknown lands, development of a skill [what things that you like and value doing that you would like this to resemble?]. Is it familial ties that are sought, trusted colleagues, the space and freedom to use your best instincts? What does the yearning feel like? What feeling comes from knowing about such possibilities and not being able to fulfill them?

[This example illustrates how metaphor might "flesh out" or unpack the summary labels for feelings and needs with the intent that, as a result, they ring even more true for the client and communicate more to the other disputant. To the degree that one or more such metaphors are apt, they may also serve, by extending the metaphor, to suggest options for requests -- e.g., if the need is like developing a skill, then more practice, guidance, coaching, comparing notes with others learning similar skills may be the nature of requests.]

The NVC mediator will also explore clients' metaphors of how the world works (request phase) and how to work it...

For me, NAC has interesting metaphoric aspects. What I mean is that my understanding of NAC, what it is, why it is useful, how to use it -- because "knowledge" of this is (initially at least) not directly or literally knowable -- this knowledge is metaphoric in nature: I understand it via my direct physical knowledge of other domains. When a person learns something broad and complex like NVC they use their common sense to try to understand it. Common sense is usually metaphoric understanding, but these metaphors are often very basic, long-standing metaphors learned from the most basic of experience -- simple bodily experience. This consists of largely of manipulating objects in physical space, containers, etc.

Goal of NVC is to be compassionate, in a natural state at center where we are able to give from deep inside.

"...to find what we are seeking." (p.4)

"NVC: a way... that leads us to give from the heart" (p.3)

"To arrive at mutual desire to give from the heart..." (p.6)

"...become grounded in our natural state of compassion." (p.7)

"The essence of NVC is to be found in our consciousness... not in the actual words..." (p.7)

moving
map
rules
must be on the path to follow the path
off path
returning to path
lost the path
progress, slow or fast
can stop along the way
following
fork in road
can't take other paths
difficulty of path, conditions along way
points along path, in sequence,
must reach one point before reaching the next.
can go backward or forward but not laterally

Four options in response to negative communications: blame self, other, sense feelings and needs of other, of self. Choose one of latter two [to stay on path] (p.52)

"Judgments block compassion"

Needs are not apprehended directly, but infered. Needs are looked up in lists of words, trying to find a match.

Objects can be seen, handled, shaped, grasped, moved, damaged, ignored, pushed away...
Possessions taken, received, given
Have outsides (visible) and insides (difficult to see)
Can be passed through with ease or difficulty
Can be grouped, counted, sorted, lined up, traded, labled
Located in space, near, far, mapped, put in place
Have container attributes (capacity, depth, boundries, edges...)
Can be seen from different angles, different sides, above, below, in front of, behind

Structured Objects:
Parts connected
Stability/instability
Balance, equilibrium, lopsided, asymetrical
Flexible, ridged, solid, supple, moving parts, fluid
Extensive, compact, dense, light, strong, weak,
Integral, modular

Choosing NVC is Choosing to Be Vulnerable.

Speaks of observation as a "trick" [do something different than what it seems like]: "The trick is to... simply say what people are doing..." (p.6) when the habit or tendency would be to classify, evaluate, judge. Various usages block the path to compassion or block compassion from coming out (see Forks in Path). [almost seems like a stripping away of conceptual accretions to reveal basic, essential clarity; but in doing so is a person's model changed? Could be argued that it is better to understand a person's model and perhaps work to remodel it (clarify, explore judgments, etc.), than to ask person to abandon own model and use NVC tools; might be metaphorically understood as following the rules of the game, avoiding "illegal" moves or statements; or following the prescribed path, not turning off into side roads.]